Fork in the World....

I have to say... that being married is not all its cracked up to be. My husband is so different I guess the hubby phase is over. He acts like he is pregnant sometimes. And I am sorry if it sounds derogatory towards women but he just acts like he controls everything.. its whatever right now. Freaking out about things a lot, and when he goes through his scares he just blocks me out. Ignores me and his excuse for that is "Everyone handles their stress differently.. he acts like we haven't been living with each other for like close to a year now for me to know what he acts like.

HEALTH:

Ok, so I have been going through these migraines and eye pain spells for like, on and off, 2months now. The migraines is more like 7 years but the eye pain tied to the migraine is something very new. I keep having these dreams or imagining myself with a brain tumor or a very terminal illness tied to these symptoms a lot. I am scared because I do not want to actual have anything bad wrong with me. I don't need that type of attention ever. Its not cool to have these ideas or thoughts. And then imagine myself conquering my goals and living the GOOD LIFE.. with cancer or anything. My mom is even scaring me talking about lets go get a CAT scan.. um... about that.. I want to do it.. but I am scared. Well.. right now Health is something I have a very sensitive feeling talking about.

EDUCATION:

So, I am going to change my major to psychology because right now my given circumstances is causing me not to exceed. I am not seeing any progress and I am not surrounded by people who want to the same goal as me to keep me motivated. I just do not know what to do with my life. And a colleague of mine, insisted that I change majors. I need to do this "Post-Bac BioMedical or PreMed.." route because I can not have this type of record trying to fulfill a goal like becoming a cardiologist. FLORIDA A&M University is a college that really is not known for graduating traditional students. So I have to make my case extremely special so I can wow the judges when I try to make this break into medical school. I know I am married and I have a lot of given circumstances on why this happened the way it did but I still have goal. I am looking at going to University of Miami or Florida International University or Florida Atlantic University or Nova Southeastern for D.O. ... any where south florida... I need to become a doctor but live my life too. My husband has the mentally and has it made when he continues to go back to school. He is smart and driven. He can mute his emotions and become heartless and get the job done. I, in the other hand, can not I am more worried about the whole picture and my heart is too fragile to let something go wrong. One thing goes wrong and the whole house of cards collapse. I am imagining great things and practicing the secret.

Thank you, for helping become the best cardiologist I can be.

MRS.

I am married. YES!!! I never thought I would ever be able to say "I do" to anyone in my life before my metamorphosis. I am currently the new edition to a strong and deeply rooted african family. I am very proud and happy with the decision I made in my life being so young. Maybe after a month or two I can come back and color a more elaborate picture of how this love story came to the making .... but for now. BASK IN THE SUN OF HAPPINESS, LOVE AND JOY!

Lost in Translation...

It has been a really long time since I last colored a picture in my coloring book. I have so much more vivid images to share. Well... I do not know where to begin. Happy New Year of course. And I would like to say that I have changed a lot since the year the stared. I am more controlled at this moment literally then I was 1 hour and 30 minutes ago. I had to revisit my secret. I was to lost in the moment this past month and I have to say I am more happy now then I ever been.

The issues that I have gone through is because of the story I have been telling myself. The way I see myself.

ISSUES!!!

1st Issue: Dwelling on my past.

- I have to admit that my past is not a pretty picture. The things that was done to me are not even a piece of the Disney childhood my peers had. And it really was hard for me to finally embrace. But I resolved that issue by realizing that I have to FEEL more greatness and in order to experience such GREATNESS.

2nd Issue: Living as if Life is on pause.

- I am , honestly, a bit controlling. And it is sad to look back and see how much time I wasted on trying to put life on "PAUSE" and heal or fix the things or situations that did not go my way. This has caused a lot of stress in my life and I was clueless towards how much dilemma it was causing.

(working on that controlling characteristic of mine)

3rd Issue: Fighting for little things.

-(Relationship Issue) "I do not like closed minded people." I have said this so many times in my life. But being in a relationship like the one I am in. I was put out in the open on how hypocrite I turned out to be. I BECAME THAT CLOSED MINDED PERSON I DISLIKE SO MUCH!! I would focus on only one perspective. I would pick on my partner for not caring for the little things that I didn't look at the big picture. (slap on the wrist) THE LITTLE SH*T DOESN'T MATTER. LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH AT THE RIDICULOUS THINGS YOU'VE DONE BECAUSE YOU TRY TO BE PERFECT!

I am going to move now better than I ever moved before. I am so sure of myself. I just hope I don't loose focus when my impatience creeps up from under me.

Care for your dreams. You are your dreams.